Happy Birthday, Baby Boy

Six years ago today, you made me a mother. You didn't make it easy on me. You always did things your own way, including deciding to be born face forward, giving me incredibly painful back labor and over 90 minutes of pushing on my hands and knees to get you out.

Once you were born, you knew just what to do. You latched on and nursed like a champ. You were such a good little eater that the midwives brought other moms in to look at you.

That first day was amazing - watching you sleep, nursing you and holding you in my arms. Until that night, when you started having trouble breathing and eating. They discovered you had a blockage in one nostril and suddenly you were being taken away from me. They brought you back, in an incubator with wires and tubes and beeping things. I didn't even get to kiss you good-bye. They were transferring you to another hospital 30 minutes away and I was staying.

The moment they wheeled you out of my room, your daddy walking behind you looking as stunned and scared and confused as I did... well, that was the worst moment of my life. Out of all the things in this world that have happened to me... THAT was the worst moment of my life. I still find myself in tears thinking about how I felt at that moment. Like my arms and heart had been completely full then suddenly were just empty.

I still don't know how I made it through that first night, hearing all the other babies cry in the rooms around me, wondering what was going on with you and praying the phone would ring with good news from your daddy. My mother and sister stayed with me, and I think the only reason I slept was total and complete exhaustion from being up the entire night before in labor.

And then around 4:00 a.m. your daddy called and you were okay!! The blockage had dislodged and your were pinking up and you were fine. Except they couldn't discharge you from that hospital until the doctor came on duty in the morning, so then all I could do was sit and wait. My sister will confirm that in my sleep-deprived state I spent most of the early morning hours singing that song from the Chili's commercial over and over and over... "I want my babybackbabybackbabyback, I want my babybackbabybackbabybackbabyback."

So in the end, you actually ended up coming back to visit me (yes, you were now officially a VISITOR) later that day and I don't think I stopped kissing your head and your feet and your head again and then your feet again until I left the hospital later that night. And when we got home I went against all advice and slept with you in the bed - you slept that first night resting on top of my chest with my hand on your back so that I could feel every breath you took.

And so here you are today, six years old and smart as a whip. You have grown into a funny and charming and polite kid. You amaze me everyday with the things you say and do. And sometimes when you are asleep I still climb in the bed next to you and lay with my hand on your back and feel you breathe and weep with joy that you are my son.

Happy Birthday Marc.