Life happens

I am home from work today with Lisey. This is day 4 of whatever virus she has - she's been running a fever of over 101 since Sunday morning. She is sleeping right now after being up most of the night fussing. It's morning and I am sitting at my computer with the sun coming in through the window and three cats lined up on the floor behind me stocking up on their solar power. I just finished my coffee and allowed myself to eat leftover cake from the Mardi Gras party last night for breakfast. I don't believe in Lent.

This has been a strange week. Nothing has changed in my life, but around me other lives are changing dramatically. In the past week, I've learned that 2 of my couple-friends are divorcing, another is separating, another is having their first baby and another is getting married. My mother had surgery last week and although she is completely fine, it did make me take a step back and say, yes, my parents are getting older. I've taken all of this things in and am happy, sad, anxious and overwhelmed all at once.

I am just feeling life more acutely today. Perhaps part of it is that I'm now Zoloft-free? Although I will always acknowledge that the Zoloft helped me immensely, the reality is that it did blunt my emotions - not drastically, but enough that I notice them returning. My hubby asked the other day if I was high on something because I was laughing so much while we were watching TV. Nope - just everything seems funnier, sadder, more exciting, more melancholy.

I need to wake Lisey up soon. I have a dentist appointment this morning and my darling sister and mother have offered to watch Lisey for that half hour that I am gone. I just went in to check on her and she's sleeping - looking peaceful right now, but still so warm to the touch. I never knew how my mother could tell if I had a fever by kissing my forehead. But I know now because I can do it too. Sometimes I see myself and wonder how I became a mother. I never really feel like I am very good at it, but then I look at my kids and they are happy and polite and wonderful. And today, I am going to allow myself to take partial credit for that.

There is no real point to this post. I was just feeling full and needed to write some of it down.