Another Sleepless Night
Today was not a good day. I am feeling drained and after reading the kids their new Christmas books, I just sorta stayed on the floor of the living room curled up staring at the fireplace. Marc is such a sweetie - he asked what was wrong and I told him I was just feeling a little bit sick. He got his pillow and blanket and came out and curled up next to me on the floor.
I just went ahead and got ready for bed and was asleep by ten. Marc had a nightmare around midnight and woke me up moaning and fussing. I brought him in to snuggle up with me but he had a hard time settling back down and by the time he was finally back asleep, I was wide awake. And now I can't get back to sleep.
I am still feeling stressed at work. I have been involved for several years in a highly contested case and it became highly contested again this week. I allowed myself today to not return any phone calls about it but tomorrow I know I have to jump back in and it will be most unpleasant.
Tomorrow I am meeting with one of the partners to discuss a new direction for me at the office. I am hoping if it works out I will be able to start phasing out the litigation portion of my practice. It's a simple matter of economics - if I can bring in money handling this new venture I can justify turning away other types of cases.
I am taking it day by day right now. My main focus is keeping myself together for my kids, and it is just requiring way way more energy than it should. I am getting through work by making very detailed lists and then just checking things off one at a time, forcing myself to keep going.
Really, the person getting the brunt of it is Erik and I don't know what to do about that other than just beg for his patience. He offered to come with me to my doctor's appointment next week and that meant a lot to me. Between trying to keep it together in front of the kids and trying to squeak by at work, I just don't have anything left for him right now. And that makes me unspeakably sad.
4 Comments:
Oy. I can relate. Some days, I just want sweet release, too. Depression is a hideous monster.
As I said previously, we're thinking of you. I know this sounds trite and cliche, but if there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to call.
I really hope you start feeling better soon. I can relate to this a little because when I am in the midst of my PMS induced crankiness, moodiness and complete bitchiness, my hubby takes the brunt of it too. I always say he should get sainthood for having to put up with me.
Hang in there, I am pulling for you!
Hey. I may not know what I'm talking about here. I completely agree with taking it one day at a time (some days it's easier than others). I will say - I'm not sure about keeping it together for the kids. Just that - I don't know that I would put up a false front (not that you are).
I think kids (even young kids) do sense their parents' moods.
And - it's okay that you're not bouncing off the walls happy all the time. I hope this is making sense.
On the other hand, there is only so much they can deal with. I know you know where that line is - just wanted to give my $.04.
Happy New Year !
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