Insomnia

I'm having a hard time sleeping tonight so I thought maybe getting up to blog will help me barf some of this stuff out and I will feel better.

I went shopping over the weekend to buy new skirts for work. My old skirts were literally falling off so to avoid a major wardrobe malfunction I had to get something that fit. Today I wore a size 4 to work. And all day I kept looking in the mirror convinced that it MUST be too small, but it wasn't. It actually really fits.

I have learned as a rule that people won't really notice weight loss until you start wearing a new size. And today I noticed a great disparity in reactions of men vs. women to what I was wearing. Men made nice comments (such as "wow, you look great") and women made catty comments (such as "soon you'll probably just disappear" and "my god, are you starving yourself or something?").

These reactions really bother me. I am angry that after working so hard all these months to get in shape that I still feel self-conscious because other women are still judging me. I am angry that I even care.

I also found out today that I am probably getting fired by a client. You'd think this wouldn't bother me because really it happens all the time. I always tell people that it is important to have a good fit between lawyer and client. Sometimes personalities and styles just don't mesh. I don't usually get offended when someone decides to get another lawyer - sometimes I am the one who suggests it.

I don't know why exactly this one is bothering me, but it's on mind tonight. I think it's because I didn't see this one coming. I know the client didn't agree with my assessment of the case, but I respected his decision on how to proceed and felt we were making progress in that direction. To receive a very terse message, not even from him but from his wife, that he was picking up his file tomorrow afternoon just felt bad. It felt lousy and I'm upset by it.

Last night I learned that Lisey is a tactile learner. Marc is kinesthetic and so is Erik. I am visual. I left this meeting with the realization that 90% of my frustrations with my children and my husband are a direct result of the fact that I never stopped to consider they don't perceive and process the world like I do.

I think my migraines might be getting worse. Lately when I get them I not only have the headache but I also get horrible vertigo. I have fallen over a few times because the room seems to turn and I can't keep my balance. And then my brain seems to short circuit for several days even after the pain is gone. I have a hard time coming up with names or words and feel distracted and scattered.

I am really looking forward to Friday. It is an early dismissal day for elementary schools, which means I have an excuse to leave work at lunchtime and spend the afternoon with Marc. He will watch TV or play video games while I get a glorious nap. Then we will get pizza for dinner. Erik has poker night so I will put the kids to bed early and then get the TV all to myself to catch up on The Hills and America's Next Top Model.

It really is way past bedtime. This was therapeutic but oh my, I will be tired tomorrow morning.