Sunday, May 07, 2006

The Rollercoaster of Mom-hood

First of all, let me tell you something very important about myself. I sometimes think I was not meant to be a mom. I didn't feel this way until after I had kids. I didn't feel this way until my child went to nursery school and I realized I am SO not mom-like. For my son's Easter party, I forgot about it and sent him with a bag full of Dum Dum lollipops because it was all I had in the house. He came home with freakin' homemade cupcakes and frosted cookies from all the other kids.

Then there is the fact that my husband is uber-Dad. He actually has taken the kids, on more than one occasion, out by himself all day long. He takes them to the Baltimore Aquarium and to lunch - BY HIMSELF. I would never even try. The thought of that makes me nauseous.

So, a few weeks ago I had the worst night EVER as a mom. My husband's brother just got married. My kids were in the wedding. At the rehearsal dinner, my children were awful. A-W-F-U-L. They were so bad, I actually came home and put them in the tub and sat on the bathroom floor and cried. For an hour. My husband was still at the rehearsal dinner - yes, I had to leave early because my children were acting like little beasts.

I sat on the bathroom floor and thought about everything I had missed because of my kids. How many parties, how many dinners, how many weddings, how many family events I missed because I was changing a diaper, or couldn't find a sitter, or was dealing with a tantrum, or had to nurse a baby, or was chasing a child. When my husband came home, he found me standing in the kitchen staring at the wall, crying. It just wasn't a good night.

I spent all day that Sunday dreading the wedding. I was so scared my beastly children were going to ruin the whole thing.

And they shocked the hell out of me by being ANGELS. They were so good. SO good. They were cute, and friendly, and cooperative, and quiet during the wedding and walked down the aisle arm in arm and were adorable. Everyone kept telling me how sweet they were and they'd never seen children be so well behaved at a wedding. Wow!!

Which brings me to last night. My husband had a dinner to go to, leaving me alone with the kids for bedtime - always the most stressful time of the day. The kids had not had naps and were both a little cranky. But, I got them pizza for dinner, then decided to give them a treat. We went to Starbucks and I bought them each a chocolate milk and a black bottom cupcake to share. We sat outside and watched the cars go by and enjoyed the beautiful sunset.

We came home and I let them each pick one episode of Imaginary Friends to watch on the DVR. Then it was bathtime - which went off without a hitch. Bath, hair washing, teethbrushing, medicines, pajamas, story, tucking in... I had them both asleep by 8:45.

When my husband called to check on me around 9, I told him stay as late as he wanted - the kids were both already in bed. He was impressed. Honestly, I impressed myself. I think I might actually be getting better at this mom-stuff.