Sunday, May 22, 2005

Wine, wine, wine

Now that hubby and I are exploring the world of alcohol, we've been experimenting with wine. We've graduated from the screw top $5/bottle stuff to bottles with corks. We've discovered a local winery that so far we've really enjoyed. I went Saturday to the liquor store and had quite a fun time perusing different wines and picking some new things to try. I bought two bottles of a Reisling that we've tried before and loved, also a Blush from the same vineyard. We also are experimenting with reds now - an Italian Chianti, California Pinot Noir and Australian Shiraz.

I welcome any and all recommendations from my readers - what's your favorite wine? I am a wine dummy so have been relying mostly on either recommendation of friends or the guy behind the counter at the store (who actually has been a wonderful guide so far).

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Changing priorities

Wow, I meant to update this blog at least twice a week but I've been a bit of a slacker lately. Sorry 'bout that! The recent succesful weaning of the milk guzzling beastie along with the shedding of pointless guilt has led to a resurgence in my sex drive, and most of my time in the evenings has been spent loving my darling husband. No complaints from him, but the blog has suffered.

I have been pondering my marriage a lot lately... I was always raised with the belief that God and Church were #1, then spouse, then kids. Now that Church is gone and God is being re-examined, Hubby was moved to #1 spot. I think this has been good for our marriage - I can say I have never been happier with him than I am right now.

On the other hand, this leads me to some scary places - I feel much more vulnerable. Before I had a lot of beliefs to fall back on - we were meant to be together; God keeps us together; if something happened, I'd still have the Church. Etc, etc. Those beliefs are gone.

I see that we are not "Soul Mates". We were not "predestined" to be together. He is not the only person in the whole entire world who could make me happy. I am not the only woman in the whole entire world he could ever love. We are married because we met and we fell in love and we made a choice - we made a choice to be together and work together and have a family.
We are still married because we continue to make that choice every day - to love each other and help each other and remain faithful.

But losing the belief that I am THE person has at times made me scared - it is up to us to keep our marriage together. There isn't anyone else, including God, who can do it for us. I can't just pray for him to love me and for me to love him. I have continue to strive to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother.

Just as we continue to choose to stay together, I have to acknowledge that there is nothing stopping him from one day choosing to leave. I have to rely on and trust in his fidelity and my faith in what we've built together over the years. It is scary and new and has made me confront some of the darkest places within myself. I broke down in tears the other night and apologized over and over for being such a shit to him over the years. I treated him badly because of what the Church taught me, and he did not deserve it. We are rebuilding now and relearning each other.

And did I mention the sex is better too? That fact alone might just have made this whole process worth it...

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Another lovely Sunday

Last Sunday I was away staying my younger sister in DC. We went out for brunch, then I went to the mall and spent the whole day shopping (YES ON SUNDAY EVEN). I spent lots of time in the Victoria's Secret. It is nice to buy pretty bras and undies and then shop without worrying about whether this shirt will show garments or if this skirt is long enough to cover them. I started to get angry again - how much my life was controlled... Down to my underwear!! Looking back, it is just so ridiculous. I was mad at myself for buying it for so long. Then I had a big iced vanilla latte and felt better.

I ended the Sunday by going to a book club with several wonderful ladies that I met through my hubby's work. It was fun to sit around and drink wine with women who routinely say damn and shit and talk about sex a lot. I felt refreshed as the weekend came to a close.

Yesterday I spent another day at the mall, hitting Victoria's Secret again and then proceeding to buy multiple tank tops for wear this Summer. We went out last night with friends from work and enjoyed a great night at the bar, drinking Irish coffees and dancing to Irish music. My life is so fun now. It is great to lose guilt. It is very liberating.

This morning I woke up a teeny bit hung over, but the realization that I didn't have to spend half the day at church made me feel much better. My husband worked in the yard building a fence, and I went to the gym to work out - I'm mostly focused on my arms since I can now wear tank tops.

I am now sitting here with my daughter napping and my son playing Pokemon in the background. Hubby is still working on the fence and I'm enjoying a cup of coffee. Sunday is now my favorite day of the week. It feels good to be moving on... I think I'll go put on a tank top...