Saturday, July 30, 2005

Coming clean

Well I finally sat down and came clean with my parents. We have had many talks over the past several months about my issues, so nothing I said came as a surprise to them. But still - it was very nice just to come out and say, "I no longer believe in this church." It was much more peaceful than I thought.

My father was very quiet, and said only that he hoped it would not change our relationship. I told him it certainly would not, as long as we didn't let it. My mother was more inquisitive, asking about if we would find another church. She actually suggested I try the Unitarian church, which I thought says quite a bit about her.

My mother introduced me to the writings of Emerson and Thoreau when I was about 14 or 15 - she sat me down and made me read Emerson's essay on Self-Reliance before I started high school. She also made me read every issue of the Exponent II over the years. I love my mother and admire her more than any other woman I know. She openly acknowledged that she knew I was questioning because she raised me to question, so she would never condemn me for that.

At the end of our conversation, my mother told me that there were times that she was so angry at church that she got up and walked out of meetings. She also confided in me that there were many parts of the church that she did not believe, but that she continues to look for the good parts. Then she added that she understands completely that I cannot do that, because of how I am, and she respects that.

As with so so many things, I dreaded the experience but it wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. I certainly feel better now that it is all out in the open. Next step is a meeting with bishop and telling my siblings...