Christmas Part Two

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is the after-party, where I get to go to the mall and buy stuff with my gift cards. My mom always gets me great things, and this year one of the great things was a gift card to Williams-Sonoma, better known as my personal nirvana. Given my total lack of domesticity, it may come as a shock to some, but I looooove to cook. Love it. My mom and I take cooking classes together as often as we can.

So hubby had the kids at the playarea at the mall while I wandered around Williams-Sonoma, drooling, for a very long time. I walked the entire store at least three times, oooohing and aaaaahing. I knew I wanted the Brining Blend and rib rub for sure. But then I still had enough on the gift card for something else. Finally it caught my eye - a digital candy thermometer. This may seem like a useless piece of equipment to some people but to me? It's glooooorious. It's a thermometer that you can set to actually beep at a specified candy stage - soft ball, hard crack, whatever.

But then for half that price I could just get a regular instant read digital thermometer PLUS I could get the cute little set of fried egg doodads that you put in the frying pan and it keeps your fried eggs the EXACT size of an English Muffin and that, my friends, is just awesome.

So this morning I made egg & muffin sandwiches for me and Lisey and they were yummy. And YES, those fried eggs were a perfect circle. And complimented beautifully by the coffee I bought with the other gift card my mom gave me - Starbucks. God bless that woman, she knows how to do it right. Sigh. Life is good.

My son has the clap

And athlete's foot, an ulcer, mono, the flu, the common cold, giardia, e. coli, mad cow disease, lice, a bookworm, and a pimple.

As an extra Christmas gift, I bought him this set of plush germs. It was kind of a silly gift - an afterthought I bought because he needed just one more thing. Of all the toys he got, he loved those damn germs more than anything. He loved them so much, he made them a little house out of a shoebox. When my BIL informed me they had more for sale at thinkgeek.com, I knew what I was getting my son for his birthday - MORE GERMS!!!

His second set of germs arrived today in the mail and I let him open the box as an early birthday present. He is over the moon. Twelve germs!! He knows all their names and what they do... The clap makes your penis hurt. Mono makes you tired. E. Coli gives you really nasty diarrhea. And you'd better keep that bookworm away from daddy's library.

This whole thing is really cracking me up. The conversation he is having with his sister now... "Hey! Lisey! I'm going to share my germs with you. Here, I'm giving you an ulcer!!" And tonight when he was playing with some new soaps he got for Christmas, he informed my husband the bathwater was the same color as the clap. I can't stop laughing.

Christmas Morality according to Marc

Since we have a lot of family coming over during the holidays, we reviewed with Marc and Lisey the rules of being polite at Christmas.

Me: "What do you say when someone gives you a gift?"

Them: "Thank you."

Me: "What do you say when someone gives you a gift you already have?"

Them: "Thank you."

Marc: "Yeah, then you leave the tags on so you can take it Target later and get what you really wanted."

Me: "What do you say when someone gives you a gift you really don't like."

Them: "Thank you."

*pause*

Marc: "So pretty much, you lie."

Me: "Yup, pretty much."

Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig

Every year as part of the kids' Christmas present, we take them down to Ocean City Maryland for their big Winterfest. Other than the three hours of "are we there yet? are we there yet?" we had a great time.

We left Friday right after work, so got to OC just after dark. There was a mix up with our reservation and they put us in a smoking room. No way, buddy - Marc was wheezing within 15 seconds of being in the door. We pitched a fit, and we got moved. Instead of two doubles we ended up with a king bed and a queen pull out. It'll do.

Saturday was packed full of fun - morning in the pool, lunch at Bull on the Beach, going to the Candy Kitchen for toys and then to see Happy Feet, indoor mini-golf, dinner at our favorite restaurant Seacrets, then off to see the Winterfest of Lights. The line was long, but the weather was pretty mild. We rode the little tram around the park, enjoying the huuuge display of lights. Lisey liked the giant shark and Marc liked the exploding volcanoes and dinosaurs. It was pretty fabulous. Even I was smiling like a damn kid.

We had brunch Sunday at a great little crepes place - we let the kids get a hot fudge sundae crepe for breakfast. Ice cream for breakfast? Yes, it's vacation!!! Then we headed home.

It was a quick getaway, not even 48 hours start to finish. But the kids really had fun and so did we. It was a nice break in the middle of the crazy Christmas season. Sometimes I forget how much they've grown this year, but watching them playing mini-golf I just had to pause. Last year, Lisey and I stayed in the hotel because she needed a nap and was too young to play. This year she was just doing her thing, with Marc helping her along. Sigh.

And just like that, the magic starts to fade...

I came home the other day and there was a huge package waiting for me. It was one of Marc's presents - I had been waiting for it to arrive. Marc was with me in the van. He saw it and said, "Oooooh, that's a big package. I bet I know what it is."

Me: "What do you think it is?"

Marc: "That's my nerf long shot, I bet."

Me: "How can that be your long shot? I thought you asked Santa for that."

Marc (looking at me like I am totally clueless): "Sheesh mom. Even Santa knows how to use UPS."

Weird Things

I got tagged by Christy last week but have been out of town (subject of another post) so here's six weird things about me:

1. I can't stand to have my hands dirty. I'm not OCD about anything else, but my hands... yes. Those little plaster hand prints from nursery school? My mother does not have one because I refused to put my 4 year old hand in that crap. When I cook, I probably wash my hands at least every few minutes.

2. I get the hiccups more often than anyone I know. I didn't use to. It started after I had open heart surgery at age 20. They must have knicked a nerve or something. I had the hiccups non-stop for 3 DAYS in the hospital. Now I get the hiccups at least a few times a week. Loud, strong, painful hiccups that last for a looong loooong time.

3. I think I have mentioned this before, but I despise talking on the phone. The only people I ever call are my husband, my mother and my sister. Nobody else. I will not even call the pizza place - I order on-line instead. I probably make 10 calls a day at work, and I have to literally force myself to do it by allowing myself my afternoon cup of coffee only after calls are returned.

4. As a reaction to having to wear those hideous white boring garments for most of my adult life, I now have to match my undies to my outfit. If I wear red, I have on a red bra. If I'm wearing black, I have on a black bra. I have bras and undies in every single color because of this need to be coordinated.

5. I don't like cooked fruit. Apple pie, blah. Cobbler, gross. Pineapple upside cake, barf. Even raisins are perilously close to being cooked fruit so I only tolerate them if they are covered in chocolate or in a cinnamon roll.

6. I have the world's tiniest bladder. I pee all the time. I am lucky if I can make it through a movie without having to go. Road trips with me are really annoying. My kids made it all the way to Virginia Beach with only one stop, but me? I had to stop two additional times. My hubby always jokes that if we ever get separated, he'll just wait outside the bathroom and eventually I'll be there.

Mostly everyone I know has been tagged. But I'll tag Erik because he's never ever posted on his blog. And cool-Jen SIL too. I know she's gotta have some quirks.

Christmas is in the air

Scene: Kitchen, 8:00 p.m. Marc is at the kitchen table doing homework. I am cleaning out the coffee maker.

Hubby enters, letting out THE longest fart I've ever heard, punctated with pauses.

Me: Oh my GOD, you are gross.

Hubby: I was farting a song for you. It was Santa Claus is Coming to Town. Didn't you recognize it? I think Santa would be impressed I can play carols with my butt.

Marc (under his breath): I think Santa will be bringing you coal.

Done!

• Finished and folded 6 loads of laundry, including sheets and towels
• Ran dishwasher and put away dishes
• Have dinners planned for the week
• Have lunches made and frozen in individual portions for hubby for week
• Cleaned out catboxes and hermit crab cage
• Finished Christmas shopping
• Completed grocery shopping, including treats for Parent Helper day this week at nursery school and bottled water and juice boxes for next weekends trip to the beach
• Restocked medicine cabinet with all possible combinations of pain relievers, anti-fever meds, decongestants, antihistamines, expectorants, cough suppressants as well as made sure all refills are up to date on Rx meds
• Played catch with Lisey and helped Marc work on his handstand
• Actually prepared healthy dinner using oven, complete with veggies and fresh fruit
• Gave husband good sex
• Balanced checkbook and paid off credit cards

Whew!!! Off to reward myself with a nice Christmas bath fizzy from Lush.

At least her sights are set high...

In gymnastics this week, the instructors asked each child to give their name and what they want to be when they grow up. After the normal, doctor, teacher, lawyer, firefighter answers they get to Lisey...

"My name is Lisey and when I grow up I want to be a Pink Butterfly."

You go, girl. Sky's the limit.

Milk & Cement

I got an email the other day that was funny responses given by children to a series of questions about moms. I asked the same questions to my son, just to see what his answers would be. Here they are - enjoy...

Why did God make mothers?
Because babies need milk.

How did God make mothers?
He got a body, a nose, some earrings & hair, arms, hands, feet, then toes

What ingredients are mothers made of?
Milk & Cement

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
If you had two mothers, you wouldn't know who to listen to when they both told you what to do.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
Smart. Reeeally smart.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
That he was handsome.

Why did your mom marry your dad?
Because she couldn't find anyone else handsomer.

Who's the boss at your house?
Mom. She is always having the conversations with Dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
Moms are beautiful. Dads are handsome.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
Work.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
Some earrings, a nice sweater and some sweat pants.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
I'd get rid of that red bump on her head. (At which point he took a tape roller to the giant zit on my forehead)

FOUND - One Mojo

Oh, Lordy I do praise the pharmaceutical companies. I love Frova. I saw my doctor on Monday and she gave me this drug, for which I am exceedingly joyful. I didn't realize how totally shitty I felt until I took this beautiful little pill for a mere day and a half. It kicked my migraine's ass and I am back to myself again. Praise you, Endo.